


Floodgates

by PatchworkIdeas



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bad Days and Bad Jobs, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Supportive Siblings, emotional breakdown
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-15 05:41:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29431140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PatchworkIdeas/pseuds/PatchworkIdeas
Summary: Fili just wanted to enjoy a long, hot bath to escape his troubles.
Relationships: Fíli & Kíli (Tolkien)
Kudos: 17
Collections: GatheringFiKi - H/C Bingo 2021





	Floodgates

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Prompt: "A Hot Bath (Together Or Alone)"

The hot water felt heavenly on Fili’s skin. Most would have considered it scalding, just this side of too hot, but the burn helped distance him from his day, from that unmitigated disaster that was his work and the repeated fight he kept having with his boss and uncle. It was beginning to bleed into all other parts of his life, was turning even once beloved visits with his mother sour, and he was thoroughly sick of it all by now. 

Quitting seemed a better choice day by day, as much as he loathed the thought. It felt too much like running away. 

But for a moment, for a precious moment, he could let all that be, could let the worry and anger and despair burn away in the too hot water, the sensation acute and important and relaxing every muscle in his body despite the pain.

He would never, ever be able to thank Kili enough for insisting he needed a real, actual, soak for hours with a glass of wine, bath. He only had a practical shower in his own flat, had never thought he might need anything more, and had mostly agreed to get his little brother off his case. They had always been close, but they did what all siblings eventually do - they grew up, build their own life, found their own places. And yet, despite that distance growing, as it did with all people who’s life diverged, Kili remained his safe harbor. Kili was the one who steadfast stuck to his side, no matter what the rest of the family said. Kili was the one who pulled him out when he was working yet another weekend, was the one who called when he got buried in work and forgot to live.

Kili was the one who insisted he deserved more than endless work.  
And the one who introduced him to the endless pleasures of long, hot, bubbly baths. Fili would be eternally grateful.

The bathing wasn’t just pleasurable on it’s own, as much as Fili found he enjoyed the sensation, that oh so rare feeling of everything falling away and his muscles relaxing one by one. No. He had to visit Kili to take a bath, and what had started as a one off for Kili’s sake soon became a monthly thing. And then a weekly one. And, well, by now it felt he was coming home to Kili’s more often than to his own. 

It probably helped that Kili’s place felt much more like a home than his own did. Kili’s bathroom always had some candles ready for lighting, and more often than not a dried flower or two. The rest of the flat might be a bit messy - though much less than he had expected from his younger brother - but everything felt alive and lived in and there were pictures everywhere. Kili was both a bit of a black sheep in their family and looked at with pride - he had refused his company heritage, refused to work for their uncle, but he had found himself a job online, paying enough for this little flat and quite a few travel trips.

The flat was smaller than Fili’s, but it was so much warmer. So much nicer than Fili’s mostly blank walls, meticulously cleaned rooms and designer furniture that somehow always managed to be less comfortable than Kili’s old couch.

Kili's place felt like home, and the thought of leaving, of going back alone, to cold, impersonal, empty rooms, brought tears to his eyes.  
He could have tried decorating more, he knew, but why? It’s not like he was really doing more than working and sleeping there. Working and sleeping. Working and sleeping. There never seemed to be time for more and yet it was never enough for Thorin.

And yet, when he visited Kili, suddenly the time was just… there. Time to watch a movie, time to eat a nice home made meal and joke while they prepared it together. There was time to laugh, time to talk, time to fall asleep together and wake up well rested.

There was time for a bath.

The water had cooled by now, the bubbles dissipated. Only the soft hint of something sweet in the air that Kili insisted would help him relax. His finger tips were pruney. His muscles were soft as putty, and entirely unwilling to lift him out and carry him out and about again.

The water kept cooling.

The door opened.

Kili’s head peeked in, teeth worrying at his lip. His brows drew together, hesitance making way for worry.

“Have you been crying? I mean, not that that’s a bad thing obviously, but… Are you okay? You’ve been in here a long time, and I didn’t hear you change the water, so…”

Fili reached up to his face. His cheeks still burned, just a bit, even with the water long since cold. Strange, he hadn’t noticed.

“I… I don’t know.”  
And smaller, quieter, because not knowing wasn’t allowed and he did know - but what he knew was even worse than not knowing at all.  
“I don’t want to leave.”

Fili tasted the words, let them sit on his tongue like the wine he hadn’t drunk, too deep in thought. They felt right, they felt like the first drops leaking through the floodgates, danger to come, and yet he didn’t want to take them back.

Kili sat beside him, no judgment on his face, just this intent look, like Fili was all that mattered in that moment, like there was nowhere else he would rather be than sitting on a wet bathtub side, looking down at his crying brother and hearing him admit things he shouldn’t be feeling.

The gates burst.

“I don’t want to leave.” Louder now. “I don’t want to leave! I don’t want to go back. Not to my flat, not to my office, not to any of that bloody crap I’m supposed to enjoy. No, not enjoy, _endure_ for the bloody money and because I’m Thorin’s heir and that’s what I’m supposed to do. I’m so tired of it all. I’m so tired! I don’t want it. I don’t want any of it. I want to stay. Here, with you. I want to live, I want to love, I want to be kind, I want to enjoy things, I want to _stay!_ ”

“I want to stay.” The sobs were unmistakable now, shaking his whole body. A part of Fili was still trying to pretend it was just the cold, he wasn’t crying, he wasn’t allowed to cry, wasn’t supposed to be anything but perfect, but he was so sick of that part, so sick of pretending.

A warm hand grasped his in the cold water.

“Then stay.”

Fili had almost forgotten Kili was there for the whole outburst - his brother was safe, safe like no one else was - but Kili looked determined, intense, like he did when he made up his mind. Like he did during that fight, way back then. Fili never understood how Kili had done it. How he had walked out like he won the fight when their uncle had made it clear Kili would never get a cent, never get an inch of help if he walked out on them to pursue his dreams.

Perhaps his brother had won that fight.

Kili helped him out of the cold water, a fluffy bathrobe at the ready. Without quite realizing how he got there Fili found himself on that old, comfortable couch, sweet cocoa and chocolate cookies thrust under his nose. They tasted almost as good as the bath had felt. Home made love.

“It’s your life Fili. No one but you gets to decide what you do with it.” Kili eventually told him, playing with his cookie instead of eating it.  
“It wasn’t easy for me to leave, but I never regretted it, because I knew that life wouldn’t make me happy. And, well, it doesn’t look like you are happy either. I’m not going to tell you what to do with your life, but I just want you to know you can stay here, for as long as you like. No strings attached.”

The milk felt creamy, indulgent, a bit more cocoa than he would allow himself - if he ever bothered to make himself any. The cookies were still warm, slightly gooey. Kili must have been baking while he bathed.

“And if I want to stay forever? If I want to quit my job, with no idea where to go, what to do, with nothing but the knowledge that this is killing me driving me forward?”

“Then you stay. And we’ll figure out how to make it work.”

There was no doubt in Kili, his brown eyes intent on Fili’s. Even his fidgeting had stopped. Fili didn’t know how Kili could feel so sure about anything. How had he made that jump back then? How could he make such big decisions so easily? Surely Fili would inconvenience him, surely even the thought was running away, but-

“… What about your travels? You love those.” 

“I love you more. And who says I have to give them up completely? Maybe we can even do them together someday. See if you like it when it’s not a business trip.”

It felt so enticing. So, so enticing. And Kili made it sound so easy. Like it was an actual option and not just a desperate and impossible cry of someone buckling under the strain. 

Kili meant it.

And Fili craved it. What started as a breakdown, unexpected and unwelcome, grew roots, grew into an actual idea. What did he really need? What could he sell? He had some money set aside, most invested, some not. How long would that last him? What else could he do? What could he do that wasn’t absolutely soul sucking and destroying?

The question felt impossible. Kili’s hand found his again. Warm. Alive. There.

Fili leaned into him. Breathed deep. Kili accommodated him, moving until Fili was half laying on Kili, half on the couch. Kili didn’t move away. Didn’t tell him to get himself under control, to man up. His brother only lightly touched his hair, the way their mother had done for them after a nightmare. It felt nice. 

“I don’t know. I don’t feel like I know anything right now.” Fili admitted.

Kili chuckled, and it reverberated through Fili’s whole body.

“That’s normal. And okay. There’s no rush. Just… the offer’s always there, okay? And I’ll always be here if you need a place to unwind, to just be human for a while. Because you are human, Fili, you’re not a machine. And that’s a good thing, no matter what Thorin demands.”

Fili closed his eyes, tired to the bone. The idea stayed, a more and more welcome passenger in his brain. He didn’t prod it, didn’t question it, was too tired to think much more of anything. He had a headache. All that crying probably.

The idea stayed.

Was it running away if he knew where he would go? If it was a nice place to go? Kili had a very nice place after all, no need for extra luxury. If he lived like that for a while, sold his flat without telling Thorin. Saved up a bit…

It felt a bit like setting up a prank again, like something they did as children, a little secret of their own.

Only so much bigger. So much more far reaching.

Fili didn’t know anything yet. Didn’t have any of his famous plans and lists and answers yet. And maybe he never would. But the idea stayed. And with Kili’s arms around him, and Kili’s steady heartbeat making Fili feel safe, loved, wanted… the future didn’t feel quite as hopeless or desperate anymore.


End file.
